Friday, April 1, 2016

Let's be real for a minute

So, for those that have been following me for a while now, bear with me...for those that are just seeing my blog, maybe for the first time let me give a bit of backstory...

Since Mr. Fish and I got married we have been trying to start our family....this May will be 4 years happily married!

Early in our marriage we lost two pregnancies, the second being the hardest as it required a massive surgery to save my life.  Since then we suffered through two years of heartbreaking infertility, numerous rounds of fertility drugs, and other interventions that didn't work.   We were told that IVF was our only option, one that we could not afford...then in July our miracle was conceived, against all odds!

Since then I have been sharing weekly updates on how our little Guppy has been progressing.  I have tried to be real about how I was feeling, and the excitement of our impending arrival.  Well this week I hit an emotional wall, and did not share my feelings on this week's update.  I have gained waaaaay more than I "should have" and the thought of having to lose all that weight post baby has me freaking out just a bit a LOT.  And on top of that the hormones are causing me to overthink EVERYTHING that is about to happen and change.  Not to mention the physical discomforts.  My little baby girl has two certain spots she just LOVES to push on, which makes for a super painful, and bruised spot for mom...and it is very hard to get comfortable at night.

I never thought I would be that pregnant woman who was SOOOO done with pregnancy at the end.  I had been praying and waiting for this, I knew it wasn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows.  Pregnancy is full of discomfort.  But, it doesn't mean that the way I feel is wrong.  I can now understand why some women want to be induced at 39 weeks (or sometimes earlier) but that doesn't mean that I will allow myself to be seduced by those aspects of modern medicine.  There is a great blog that covers the Seduction of Induction and after re-reading it I have decided that Baby Fish will stay where she is until she is ready to come out as long as she is, and I am, healthy!